This is day three of a six day series expressing my time, day by day, spent in silent retreat at Abbey of Gesthemani, December 10-17.
Your essence is your wealth~
Day one: overriding sensation of anxiousness. A twisting of everything internal as well as a mind swirling like a tornado. This is surely no way to begin.
Day two: awaken with surprising peace. Where did all that storminess of yesterday disappear to? Am I going to stay this way or is this a trick of first breath….
Day three: disturbing dreams, and yet they are set aside for what they are deliciously easily; annoyances of my ego, devil, old self, trying to remain in control of this altogether disturbingly gentle and peace filled sinking in to the rhythm of the day.
Because that is what is happening. The day is commanding what will come at any given moment, and while simple sounding, profoundly enlightening as it is taking place in me.
While I am here to simply be, I of course came prepared to fill each moment with something to do-
heaps of reading on my Kindle. The Abbey library stocked full of enticing titles. Podcasts to stream as I walk the garden paths. Rainwear just in case, notebooks galore, and computer along; only for word processing not outgoing….
I have got to find some pace that is steady and disciplined and uniform and pretty near the top of whatever I am capable of, and stick to that.
thomas merton
for you see, rather than schedule myself to attend to these things and tick boxes of doneness, the days are organizing my things around me, and getting them done without my design.
I am in control, yet utterly surrendered to the wonder of this rhythm.
The days make their own shape, and they seem to not only want to make it something of what I might plan, they do so in a way that is so much better than me. And I get to be in them, fulfilling in ways I never quite believed possible. To let the days make their own shape. I never believed it was possible, what all the mystics and wise men say, and yet here i am living it. My best self, for this moment, without my hand coming to the planner.
in love
trish
This is vaguely what I experienced at eCamp. I bring “things”’along that I think I might need, but each day unfolds before me—sometimes writing, sometimes listening, always inspired and amazed at what comes out of me. I will be sad not to have this space for myself this year. Maybe the universe has other plans for me. I am trying to remain open to the possibilities.