Mirabai Starr’s translation of John of the Cross’s Glosa a lo Divino
today hit me squarely
This ‘refrain’ especially:
There is only one thing
for which I would risk everything:
an I-don’t-know-what
that lies hidden
in the heart of the Mystery
I feel this deeply yet turn-around-run when what I think it takes to live it shows up
It’s a dance one step into deeper trust two steps back
All confessional I find it so difficult to see hear God in relationships
Not all not all the time but in daily relating getting along cooperating mundanity
I feel as if the God in me sits back in silence waiting for me to finish my nonsense and get back to Him
Yet I don’t feel He is judging either….this is so obviously my mind playing tricks…..
therein it a false narrative
To be in relationship is what we are here for the challenges present to make us stronger in connection to God
right
do you think it is possible in our world now to trust in a God-presence
in an ‘I-don’t-know-what that lies at the heart’
what does it look like to do so nowadays
we are a world where God no longer comes first
to be a person living or trying to live this way
sets one aside in awkward ways
what does such bravery of believing
today look like
I’m rambling
Mercury goes retrograde words fail yet I always try to find them so that life feels more right more consistently
sitting still thinking writing feel so good to me yet I constantly challenge the worthiness of investment
I think this is in part why I wake early
everyone else asleep I can be in that ‘not doing’ space without judgement/judging
myself through their eyes…
unless my time=income, I am tossed to believe in its worthiness, no matter how good it feels or how time disappears or how I feel as if I have just been a channel…
the looking like I am doing is a lie taught woven into my cells that I am have been untangling for decades find this way to being
in God’s presence always being in this relationship world
doing in a way that is purposeful practical harmonious
to my nature
I am not sure it is possible
I would like to be able to cloister myself not lose life
I have up to this point I don’t feel brave enough to do as John of the Cross says ‘risk everything’
tomorrow will be a different story