and just then when I thought I was long-done having gone through the change and all and living past that age and now clearly on the other side of anything to do with birth or baby or new life I could no longer deny it I was near full term the subtle pangs and clenchings of early labor went seemingly unnoticed buried as they were in the activity and malstrom of pencilled and jotted to-do lists and task-ticking quickly-get-it-all-done things before this thing of something comes to be but now the boxes all ticked and the tasks all served I find myself hunched over no longer able to deny the signs responding to the pain that’s not altogether painful scary yet not all fearful I know this action I know this tightening of the belly and squeezing of my center this is birth I thought I was done the children full grown but here I am again pacing the hallways so as to come to full dilation the growth that has been forming and taking shape for the past nine months wants its moment to be released into the world to take a full breath where is the obstetrician where is the birth coach where is the hand to grip and ground to we are never done giving birth I am never done creating new life and this one comes with no assistant other than my yesterday self reassuringly gripping the hand of my today experience watching with anticipation next to my tomorrow me praising my doing which must be done and can not be undone so that the joy that is the tomorrow will give a great cry