it’s disturbing really to not

have much right now when in fact there is so much

the boys under my roof four six foot plus bodies filling the space

and husband just there waking behind the wall I can hear him stretch yawn

this morning first in the newest of new years fresh

beginning with nothing.

I know it must be this way. I know it is by design, but also by command. For this, I will rest.

I will teach my body to stop the mantra that no longer serves. 
I will go on.

To not know is an adventure, I remind myself, not an abyss.

Happy New Year 2019. I am here. 

I get to.