376: seeing without squinting

but I find it helps my heart my psyche my long history with these bodies my ability to stand straight to even take a step forward it helps to not squint but to look sideways shield oneself from the growing of others...

375: feel like a corpse

dead in this space air here stagnant brittle riddled with I call it anxiety she calls it tragedy worry fear it has settled into the corners under the curtains like dead flies forgotten unseen by aged eyes the housekeepers letting them lie knowing their patrons will...

373: energetic pain

it’s nearly the same a constriction in the chest an ache in the sternum but there’s no physical evidence only energetic she cries little tears more of a chuckle and a whimper combined I feel myself resist it see without letting myself see feel without...

372: I feel no worthiness

I offer another the idea that worthiness is not the point love is or at least connection we are never and always worthiness the word itself picks at indoctrination or dogma for which only man’s hand held the brush no god creates with absolute as man paints...