and by hard I mean difficult
unspeakable throat clenching sadness
I watch those around me go there and think almost
nothing of it even my mother fading there so fast the one who has always prided herself on appearances no longer
appears
at the Y or church or even in the driveway if she can help it she knows
life has caught up to her
or death as case may be my own mother
so close to the other side and still I find myself in shock sometimes that
I
have thinning hair and spotted hands and eyes that hide inside wrinkles and one foot flared in bunion and a knee that talks back and
everyone once in a while to my surprise as if nothing changed a back twinges to the point of no more work
I used to be lauded youngest in the crowd how did I get to this other side so quickly
it is not so much that I do not want to die because I am not scared so much as in wonderment of that transition but that I do not want
to leave behind all that has come to be held in this life
my hands spotted as they are to never wrap around sons
unspeakable