The law of personhood is that the only way one ‘has’ oneself at all is by giving oneself away~
catherine mowry lacugna

What is confidence exactly

and where does it come from


I don’t mean the kind of confidence that stands in front of a crowd and tells them they know just what is needed.

I mean only the true confidence that is such heart-rending-weeping


and seeps through ones pores and 

no longer able to be confined

drips into the world unabashedly

yet unabashedly is

quietly, peacefully, gently, flowingly.

Where is this confidence



There is no power over, there is only power with~
richard rohr

Is it wisdom of age…

or only days worn down…

is it experience of practice…

lessons learned…

is it faith held tight…

is it none of these


I sit lie really on my brothers floor

legs across the sofa with spine laid flat against the floor

pressed flat

I think into why I am here


There are so many reasons

deep reasons

shallow reasons

reasons I do not even let myself know.

They my brother and dear-precious-forgiving-accepting sister in law are away

I am here alone

No Tegan their dog

no brother

no sister in law

Just me

the floor

the paper and ink I smear and spread

this bottle of Australian Shiraz

and Spotify

I am in Australia

I have been here three weeks

and true to form

it has nothing to do

my being here

with Australia

with encaustic

with ‘career path’ or ‘course’

but everything to do with growing up already

and wisdom

and root sinking lessons

and just now

and just this


Life happens doesn’t it

Why do we

insufficient humans we are

get to live so wide open and alive

My God What

you trust us with…

my god

insufficient human I am

in love.