I wrote the following blog entry several months ago, never posting it because I wanted to see where I was going-to follow the burnout thread and see if there really was a tidbit at the end of the trail that would respark my creative energies. I truly do trust in this, as I stated in the post, but a small part of me, an old part albeit, surfaces with just enough force to make me pull back from the assurance every once in a while.
And so? Since this writing I invested in the downtime, teaching extensively, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually listening instead of seeking. I made delicious meals, baked gobs of cookies and painted several rooms 🙂 I got married, assimilated households, and talked to people in my life about life a little more.
The result thus far? I am in Portland having just become invigorated by Crystal Neubauer’s wax adornment workshop. I was gifted with new directional inspiration from a trip to Sitka Center. I met a wonderful new friend and have begun to see what God has in store for this meeting. I have partaken of the second book production, survived a UTube shoot and gone full-bore into business development. How? Such tremendous creation, such awesome movement and such amazing blessings! God. He provided. He provides. He set my foot down and I haven’t stopped (speed) walking with a huge grin on my face ever since! Is it easy? NO! Is it scary?! YES! Do I sometimes want to pull back to the ‘nothing’ I was? Perhaps-just a smidge. But I remember, God has put me not necessarily on an easy path, but a safe one. And in this, I trust explicitely. Bank account going to business. House being overrun by creation of kits and ideas. Studio transformed into production rather than creation right now. To some a burden; to me, a blessing and what keeps me grinning like a fool, heart lifting out of my chest and each day proclaiming God’s gracious mercy a little more boldly. blessings. in love. trish
I’m resigned: I have full-on, can’t deny it, beeswax burnout. A little known ailment that strikes encaustic aficionados who’ve invested intense back to back blocks of time to pure indulgence in the sweet luscious medium. I’ve fallen victim.
I should’ve seen it coming; I’ve been in the studio by 6am-5 for the past few-working til my stomach growls, grabbing a quick fix, digging back in to the wax….The only time out occurs when other-worldly red haired orbs float outside the studio window and beckon for food and clean clothing~
Truth? I’ve hardly bothered showering-it would’ve taken too much time out from the studio!
But then this morning happened-just about 10am, I turned from the wax, gazed over the tables of changing surface and all I could do was sigh in finality. I needed to quit. I needed to raise the white flag and surrender to something else!
The multiple stories that have been born aren’t finished, I still have ideas rolling through my brain, I want to invest in my time between teaching with all my energies. But. But my creative spirit is crying uncle! It needs a time out to recharge, reprogram and regroup. This is where my multitasking skills come in handy 🙂 I’ll turn to home work, baking, bill paying, bookkeeping. I’ll open the cupboards and see what tasty concoction I can create for hungry boys. I’ll take magic wand in hand and clear out some of the mess that’s come to be since the creative energies began running rampant.
I wont turn on the wax though. It will stay opaque and cold; resting undisturbed in its vat, awaiting a new inspiration.
The first time this happened I was scared: Fearing absolute burnout. A final and complete drying up of the creative juices. Alas, time and experience have been friendly and taught me otherwise. This time is sweet; hitting a beeswax wall has great value. The heart recharges and the soul regroups to bring about better, richer, wholer and more blessed creations to carry the initial frenzied creation to completion. I love this place. Life. in love. trish