Back in July I blogged about not being ready: That my life was at a place that simply couldn’t accommodate a romantic relationship-a partner to walk with in mutual, balanced need and understanding (july 31st). I felt I’d been trying, and failing, with great success :)-so I needed to step away and just be me alone for awhile.
I set a sort of challenge, I must confess, at the end of the entry. Not one I truly believed in or thought would come to pass though. It was with a kind of ‘oh, please!’ thinking that I wrote those final words.
All I can say now is careful what you wish for…. 🙂
I met someone in the fresh, exposed being of my summer. The sheer stripped down sense of myself that I became and lived in this summer laid me open and left room to draw in those things that would most suit this authentic self. It makes sense then that this someone would show up in the midst of my raw exposure. If not now, at this most pure-self time, then when?!
Each time we meet this person pulls more Me from the deep caverns of me. He causes me to see, feel and think of things differently than I have ever before. By simply being who he is he has made my dream come true; to find someone to walk alongside in complete trust and connection. What’s more he lifts and makes lighter what I imagined to be my heart-hardening burdens so that they feel more like treasured totems to be carried in my pocket. This meeting has growns me and propels me further and faster along my path than I ever thought possible.
This relationship comes to me right now to not only fill the void of my laid open exposure, but to fulfill a promise of grace-in having faith. I now see that always holding onto faith in the little things as well as the big things brought about this grace filled gift. Faith that my miles away boys will flourish and thrive. Faith that my choice to not fight for their remaining with me is the right thing. Faith that their father will live up to his primary position of father. Faith that Patrick will grow in his relationships and not suffer the lack of a sibling at hand. Faith that my career will keep moving, my heart remain open, my trust grow indivisible. So much faith to hold onto and seek graciousness in, but so small too: For God’s plans for me are so much more grand than even my most fantastic dreams for myself.
So I welcome, more than ever, with open heart and open arms like never before, the splendor of this one rich relationship in the moments right now. And I keep my eyes open to the illumination of the next 200 feet and feel the warmth of it as we choose to walk forward together. Stick around-the future looks bright and beautiful from here! in love. trish.