‘Doubt can serve you well, if you train it. It must become a way of knowing, a good critic. Every time doubt wants to spoil something for you, ask why it finds something ugly and demand proofs. Thus tested by you, doubt may become bewildered and embarrassed, even aggressive. But don’t give in, demand reasons and be persistent and attentive every single time, and the day will come when instead of a destroyer, he will become one of your best servants-perhaps one of the most intelligent of those who help you build your life.’ Rilke
Since launching the OPENstudio crowd funding campaign I have been riddled with gut wrenching fear.
This surprised me. Even shocked me.
I was certainly not comfortable pursuing this line of public broadcast; the sheer volume of need and the unadulterated exposure that would have to become in order for OPENstudio to become, really gave me serious pause in contemplating this line of backing….
But once launched, I thought I’d be on the upside of the whole process; that I’d experience relief then simply enjoy the ride, come what may.
That hasn’t been the case.
I’ve been pulled under by the torrents of doubt like nothing before.
The irony is I don’t necessary expect the crowd funding to succeed….
But I do expect…
I expect for a miracle.
For more than I have imagined or thought possible to show up.
For the person I want to be for the world to be proven alive and the person trying to fill my gut with wrenching fears to finally and fatally be put to rest.
I can do nothing to control the miracle I seek.
Nor manifest the more than I imagined
or materialize the beyond my wildest expectations.
it then wouldn’t be miraculous~
Darned if all I can do at this point is keep believing the miracle is possible
despite the doubt.
Making it my most formidable ally~
And loving what
Come what may
comes to be