Was I born with it were we all born with it a there sense of something that causes a guilt of living to plant itself deep early-on so that when we are older and wiser even this will be disrupted by the there of it I am tired of the guilt the sense of doing it wrong and it is just there the there of it is just there the simply existence of it sometimes completely unnoticed that simpers up in sometimes unrequited times and sometimes sits there at the edge of the room exerting its pull through the crowds and the cacophony as if it were only the two of you there dancing even amidst the pull and push of so much life I don’t ask it to stay I don’t beckon it’s stare I certainly never invited it in though I now understand an honest invitation is never what it needs it simply accepts whatever door I’ve left ajar as an open invitation but all the same I know it now can you tell that is what I am getting at I know it now and I live it now not every day but I’m getting better (there is the door ajar again but no I wont let it in) I am getting better at shutting the door completely and it is not from guilt I proclaim but from pride to be the best in this world where my part plays a part and my part matters and living my part to the fullest is what it is all about because then and only then the guilt does not exist it just has no place at all and the there of it is abolished and the life connected is in its place and calling out and calling in and rippling out and rippling in and from across the room on this crowded dance floor I do not see the there of it staring me down but rather the pull of the music and the joy of the crowd and the intermeshed lives and cells and sinew of vitality and energy circling the floor I am tired of the guilt so I waved it away and there is no longer a there of it there

so there