I am terrified.

I hesitate to write these words, hearing the warning that to speak is to bring into being.

I believe this is true; but I also believe to speak my fears, my hesitations, my doubts and insignificance is to work it out of the place it can lodge in myself, just under my ribs like a sticky peanut butter sandwich against my tongue and throat.

Writing and speaking my fears helps to dislodge these emotions from their stuck spot and makes me work away the residual aftertaste of them with just what it needs; a good (tooth) brushing 🙂

Just like the peanut butter stuck against my tongue, these thoughts cause a problem when lodged,

but what’s more

offer nourishment in their dislodging, swallowing and digesting

(and I must say as well, in the  excretion of that portion of it that my body can not use 😉 )

I am terrified.

Tomorrow, 7:30am, we begin our journey into making footprints in places and people we have yet to encounter; and can only imagine in our feeble attempt to materialize for ourselves a vision of this future.

We’ve asked ourselves, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

and settled peacefully into this extreme;

we can manage even that.

We’ve also tried to see into the glorious distance all that these new steps hold.

Ironically, doing this has been much harder, less believable, than the worst that can happen scenarios we’ve played out.

Yes, I am terrified.

But, what’s the worst that can happen?

If I must return and confess failure to all those I’ve prophesied this adventure to,

If I have to pay more,

or eat strangely,

or lodge undesirably,

or go without www connections (horrors!)

or start over with a new vision and dream,

or redefine this one,

I will not have failed.

I’ll have succeeded in trying.

I’ll have gone further than I thought myself possible.

I’ll have trusted more deeply than I knew I ever could.

I’ll have grown up so much.

There is no failure.

I am terrified.

But I am so blessed.

No longer feeling as if I am trying to the correct footprints to follow in;

whether I am following where He’s gone ahead and made my way….

Rather, I feel as if I am dancing on my Daddy’s toes

as He delightedly carries me along my path.

Right there. That close. This right.

As it’s always meant to be.

All God’s children need walking shoes.

Mine are God sized;

and fit just right.

Terror and all~

in love. trish.