I’ve been in a heavy doing phase for about two weeks now. It feels wonderful-working in the studio developing new ideas and play in my medium. This doing has been paired with an intensely driven contact-making agenda: Touching base with sidelined connections, rethreading stitches in the fabric of my past to quilt together a warm future.
When I walk my days in this frame of mind I find that there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I awake by 4am (oh so late!)each day, delve into my devotions and journaling before busting it on the treadmill or street and getting Patrick off to school. The wax can not get going fast enough nor the computer QUIRTY-ing rapidly enough! I continue working through a no-plate-painting-while-I’m-eating lunch, straight through to dinner which does not involve anything time consuming as I have to get at some reading and more research before shutting down for as long as my eyes will stay closed (1:30am this morning!) to begin it again! It is fabulous. The synergy of everything working together to make sense, look like something authentic, feel honest and forward moving, can not be denied. It’s not that things aren’t real or authentic when I am not in this flow of doing, its that they are just that much more real and sparkly and bright and glowing-hot when I am in the doing! Woohoo!
I know it wont last forever. I wont keep up this pace for much longer before entering into a heavy sigh of satisfaction, slowing the heart rate and entering into a contemplative regrouping. My home and family will thank me: I begin to clean again. I begin to give again. I begin to make nutritionally balanced food worthy of consumption once again.
It’s cyclical: I’ve begun to recognize and accept this about myself. I work in rhythms. It’s been amazing to own up to this reality and live in it freely rather than resist it to try to move to anothers’ drum beat. Life works at this pace. Imagine that. Life flows when I move to my own rhythm and follow my own life’s thread. Imagine that. in love! trish
I’m so happy to have just read this! To see a positive spin… I have these same cycles. I can relate to all of it; late nights, early rises, messy house, soup from a can. Then… once my family has no clean clothes and there is not one scratch of fresh produce in the house, I close up the studio (a bedroom in the house) while playing catch up.
I’ve been convinced (by someone I won’t call out) that it’s OCD. The guilt will eat me alive sometimes so I’ll stop…put on the brakes comepletely…until my conscience is better. Then, start again!
You just gave me a new perpsective. Thank you, I feel much better!
What a wonderful and insightful post. Thanks for sharing in part of your process. It gave me things to consider and ponder.
Love that you are not only still learning about yourself but that you are accepting and embracing yourself as well.
Micah-Don’t listen to the voice of contrarity!!!! I did for years and battled the same guilt, shame and self denial. It will only eat you alive and leave nothing for those who need you most. Follow your life rhythm and EVERYONE is blessed :))))
Nacherluver-I never stop pondering…myself and this life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!
Four hours of sleep?!! I would not be good for much on the day that followed. How LONG can you be in this part of the cycle?
As a mother of two who cooks roughly 352 nights a year, I’ve begun to believe that the square meal is vastly overrated… sometimes having a mother who is engaged and relaxed is so much better!
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Trish, this post is truly a gift – thank you for delighting in this cyclical process… I never thought to be *grateful* and *happy* for it. I struggle so much with the cycles, the lack of self-care… but while I’m trying to find my balance, because of you, I will also try to remember that there is “good enough” balance, that there are gifts in being driven, that creativity is a process that can’t always be manipulated or tied down – it must have its say! My best reason for balance is to stay healthy physically and emotionally… but I think maybe I’ve lost sight of something important – how can I be truly healthy if I deny my muse? Great food for thought. Thanks again.