I did something I’ve been resistant to do for many years; I started an etsy shop. Actually, I restarted an etsy shop.
In 2009, trying to figure out where/how/when/why I existed in this art world (for the dozenth time!), I posted a few images to an etsy account then quickly let it go delinquent as I struggled with self identity and the presumed need to put oneself out there in order to make a way of this art life.
Two years later:
Find me excitedly, expectantly, joyfully posting a collection, one by one, day by day as they develop, to the previously debunk etsy site.
Why you ask? What has made for the change of heart?
I found self worth.
Okay, a catch phrase; a psychoanalysis; a socially acceptable way of saying ‘I want to show off’!
Truly though, it’s true!
Not the self worth that’s born of a bloated sense of self. But a self worth that’s born of the realization that I, me, little toe-head Trish who got teased for missing the softball repeatedly in 4th grade PE, I have treasure!
Not just a gift; not just a pretty package; a treasure!
A storehouse of goodness that’s bursting at the seams; that’s lived and breathed and been seeking a way out-a path to be shared with the world-for years!
Not me, no. Not me; this treasure in me.
What a wow.
Turning the years of self recrimation into humble thanksgiving does this; opens the floodgates of grace and turns one onto the reality of life.
The REALITY of life!
I’m on it. I’m in it.
A book could be written on how I came to have this lack of self worth; a sense of worthlessness outweighing the passion that drove me to continue ‘tinkering’ in this ‘hobby’ of art.
But so could anyone reading say that of their life.
We all have our past and we all have our present. Thank God almightly that we all also have our future.
Nothing less could’ve brought me to this place of willful sharing. Nothing else could’ve.
This is not something I have in me, I created in me, I grew in me. It is simply born in me to be lived out. I serve as an instrument. Not as a puppet on a string, but as a willful, passionate, eager attendant to the ‘to do’ list of the life that is so much bigger than myself.
And as I realize this willfullness, this eagerness, and live in it, I find myself exploding!, bursting!, flowing unstoppably! the amazing treasure stored up in me. So deliciously delighted to have God’s grace overflowing from my fingertips~
I get to share!
I get to inspire!
I get to boldly post with delicious anticipation of whatever is to come!
I get to awake to attend to another item on the ‘to do’ list of one so much greater than myself. And know~
and know! that it is going to be so good!
come visit. often. 🙂
come see what silliness, what beauty, what joy, what passion He chooses me!, little old me!, to tackle his to do list through. in love. trish
grace: unmerited and undeserved generosity.